Friday, January 8, 2010

So its been a while.

I know I have not been the best at updating this lately... I want everyone to know I am Okay. I have had a real hard time through the holidays. Every time I would get on here to say something I would just get angry for no reason and not feel like it. I am sure a lot of people probably stopped looking here because it has been 2 months since I have written. So whats been going on you ask?

Well not really too much, Living I guess. I should say surviving. Some things that have happened;

Purchased Misty's Headstone.
Went on a trip to Denver.
Survived Thanksgiving.
Purchased a new TV.
Survived Christmas and New years.
Registered for school.

pretty much in that order, among with other things.

I have such good friends and family that help me through it all, and continue to help.

How do you explain how much you hurt inside and filled with complete sadness. With out making people start thinking your depressed or forcing psychiatric help.

Some have suggested counseling for me. I have thought about it, but sometimes I just fill like I don't need it. So I don't.

Instead I have joined a group of Widows and Widowers on Facebook.

I have set some new goals for myself this year as well, and I am going to try to start meeting new people. That might occupied some of my alone time. I do have great friends and even some single friends that I can hang out with. I just think meeting new people will help me take my mind off of things.

I have on my computer a little photo app that rotates through photos that are of Misty. This just happened to be one that was up during the time that I was writing this, so i thought I would share. Oh how I miss her... its so hard to explain the way I feel sometimes. Lost is a good word.

Waiting for the day to be found again...


Taylor's said...

Tears and love - really that is all I can say.

We love you more than words can express!

Kellie Bosarge said...

I admit that I blog stock you. I knew Misty from a website I would post on. I am also someone who lost a spouse 4 years ago.

I did not think that I needed counseling. I just thought that I could get over everything. I tried my best, and now 4 years later, it has hit me hard like a ton of bricks.

Counseling is not a bad thing, it is refreshing actually. It is helping me so much, be a better person, be a better mother. I did not want to have that stigma of "oh, I am crazy, I have to have counseling", but it is not that. It is nice to share my feelings with someone that knows what they are talking about, and can help me out and such.

Stay brave. I think that I will join that group as well on facebook, if I can find it!


Celeste Randall said...

Jake, I admit I completely blog stalk you as well. I've been wondering how you've been doing, and I'm glad to hear you are doing OK.

The love you and Misty had is always something I've admired over the years I've known her. She was one in a million. What you've been through is more than most people can understand.

The church has great counseling resources if it's something you decide to do. (I'm sure you already know that).

You are welcome to come hang out with Chad and I anytime you want. Just let us know if you need to get out and we'll do something fun.

Let us know if you need anything. We'll do anything we can to help. Stay strong and keep smiling.


Kortni said...

So everyone has said what I was thinking except for one thing.
I lah-ove this picture of Misty!
I remember the day vividly. You two were going to the temple after work so she wore that cute dress. She took several shots of herself, making different faces. The one I have is really cute. She printed it for me so I wouldn't miss her face when she was on vacation... It's now on my desk next to another picture she took and gave me; a picture of the Salt Lake temple to remind me of where I want to end up.
I love and miss her. I dial her name on my phone at least once a week because I have something to tell her, then end up crying and saying it out loud because I know she'll hear me.
Wow that's a ramble, but it's how I feel. You know that anytime you need anything, I'm here. 3 am and you need to talk, you can call me; most times I'm still awake. I love and care about you Jake. I pray for you continually.

Natalie said...

Oh Jake..... :(

I'm sorry for your pain. The reality of it is harsh, but good for you on setting goals and going back to school! ... in what, might I add?

Counseling is good. I don't think I need it either, but I still go (at my mothers request) and every time I do I come out feeling a bit more clear. WHY NOT GO? IT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HURT!

We need to hang out. I made scalloped potatoes tonight and was gonna invite you over but your car was gone. ... Another time...

Allison said...

Just keep doing what you're doing, you'll find yourself again. At least you are dealing with things instead of pushing them aside, I think that will one day allow you to move on with life. We love you and think about you often. "One foot in front of the other" - isn't that what they say? I think that's good for all of us and you're a good example of that.

Shan said...

I love that photo of Misty. It is so her.
I was with Amy yesterday and asked about you. Know that you are in my thoughts often.
Misty (and you) were/are such dear friends to Amy and Todd. I am so grateful for that.